Death

I used to be afraid of death. But then I had to say goodbye to you. And I died inside. I know what death feels like now. Over and over again. Goodbye once. Goodbye twice. Each time hurting more and bringing me closer to death's truest pain. Death is a pain so strong you wish for anything to ease it. Even slightly. But you know deep down nothing can. The pain is just too strong. Others tell you it will be alright. You nod your head or agree, but only for their faith's sake. Yours is broken. 
Then comes the separation. From everything you are. Ever were. You now walk in a world of loneliness. Anything familiar fades away. Goes away. You look in the mirror and see no spark in your eyes. No life. You're somehow still there though. You call out, scream out with your eyes, but by this point, you've become mechanical. You move, walk, talk, even smile, but you feel nothing. And no one notices. You lose yourself. You can't feel, can't even cry. Madness takes over. You turn to sin, but no guilt results. Not even an ounce. You run into anything that makes you feel sane even for a few moments. But your grave has deepened. But just before you suffocate or end it all yourself, Heaven. Only with him, Heaven is brief. But just long enough to find yourself again. To breathe a sigh of relief. Long enough to push the pain away. But Heaven with him is short. And you come crashing down again. You take your dying breath once more.
And when you feel the end is near, when you can no longer take it. When you think ending your life might somehow be better than this. When you cry out for God to stop your hand, you realize. Even one breath with him is worth a thousand deaths.