Not Your Fault: By me.

It's not your fault my loves it's mine,
I go crazy when you leave me every single time,
But this time I took the big big chance,
maybe it was fate or maybe it was happenstance,
but Valentine's Day came and I was all alone,
tried watching Tv but there was nothing on.
I threw myself outside to try and breathe
my brain was crumbling, I was beginning to leave
this world far far behind,
my body hurt all over and my mind was going bye bye.

Slipping into madness I tried to make it right,
So I smoke and drank and tried to put up a fight.
But I ended up curled up on the bathroom floor,
I stayed there zoning out till I could feel no more.
I stood up, dragged up, looked myself in the eyes
And I no longer knew, no longer felt or recognized,
the person staring back at me, who was she now
she's the girl who's trying to make this all seem right somehow.

Anything that feels right, anything that feels good, anything that takes my mind away from the pain of missing you. And you know it feels right, oh it feels so good, I run farther away to stop the pain of missing you.

I keep telling myself I'll just kill this person
when you come back to me, it'll be the old me that you see.
Am I lying to myself or can I really do it?
Doctor Jekyll and Hyde, they managed through it.
Just as long as my loves don't find out what goes on in my brain at night,
I think I'll end up fine, yeah it'll all be alright.

Anything that feels right, anything that feels good, anything to take my mind away from the pain of missing you. And you know it feels right, oh it feels so good, I run farther away to stop the pain of missing.

There's that voice in my head saying what happens if they knew,
What happens if they find out, and see right through,
what happens when your hurting breaks all their hearts,
what happens if all of this madness drives you further apart?
The Mr. Hyde in me already sings,

You know it's not your fault. You couldn't have known,
Not one of you is responsible for me since I've grown
up, I was the first one to leave you, it was my fault, I started it all.
I broke down, I did this to myself. I created this monster, was the only sponsor.
To keep my heart from breaking, I broke my head instead, and it's better so much better than dying such a slow death.  "But girl, why couldn't you have just held on? Why didn't you tell anyone, just carried on?"
You know it's not your fault, you couldn't have known.
I slipped and fell into a deep black pit cause I was on my own.
My face still smiles and I keep laughing just as much,
but my eyes don't lie, they say that I've lost touch
with reality, out of touch with all the things that used to keep me alive
and going strong.

I know what I did was wrong, but is it wrong, no one ever talks about this,
that's why I think this world is going slowly to shit. My slip out of reality is taking me back to reality. The real world, the real pain, the real places to keep your head sane. Why stop taking the medicine if it only helps me out, why hasn't anyone else seem to have taken this route? I wish there was an answer or someone who knew, but until then know the real me is for you.
You get the real me that only you see. You'll never have to be with this witchy zombie. You'll never have to see my eyes clouding over to escape, you'll never have to look at this sad and sorry face.
But if you ever find out, if you ever come know, know,

That it was not your fault. You couldn't have know. I slipped and feel into a deep dark pit and I was on my own.
But my face still smiles and I keep laughing just the same,
But when the time comes baby, I'll kill this girl and go back to the real thing.