Goodbye Shia.

It's weird. When you love someone, you sort of look for that person in other people. You try not to, but you compare other people to them and rate them on how they compare. But if you really love that person, then no other person can ever compare. Shia is my celebrity crush. Shia can do no wrong in my book. I will see and have seen everything with him in it. He even makes me drool a little bit. But we all have these types of "crushes". But lately no one has been comparing to Stuart. Not even Shia. It's an evolution of the mind. I don't know why, but everybody else gets sort of pushed aside... ticked off the box of possibles. Today Shia was ticked off my box of possibles today. We wouldn't work. For one, he's too much like me. We're both too defensive, too territorial, too feisty. But the absolute reason he and I wouldn't work... he's nothing like Stuart. I can't see any sort of similarities or resemblances. And when I'm this far away from Stuart, I want any sort of resemblance that will either remind me of Stuart, or make me feel like he's still with me. This scares me. This evolution of the mind. What if Stuart and I don't work out? My mind and heart aren't suddenly going to change... I will trapped looking for anyone who reminds me of Stuart and who makes me feel like he's still with me... and that will just be ugly and unhealthy. Such a scary thought... though it's stupid to think like that. But I'm sorry Shia. You're not Stuart. And it would probably take me my entire life to get over him... and I just don't think you would wait that long.