Untitled.

It's hard to look back, now that I'm out of that horrible mindset. That horrible place. It flips my stomach now. I was at a low point. I made my mistakes. Do I regret? Of course. It helps to remember that everybody has a low point. Everybody makes mistakes. I was alone in my low place. No one knows my mindset. No one was there to sort of help me along. It makes me feel better to know I have no one to remind me of that pain, but myself. It was a growing point for me. It was my breakdown and my rebuild. I hope I'm stronger. I certainly feel like I am. I can see sharper. Feel sharper. It's just hard to go back and sift through all the emotions and feelings and circumstances because it was just me there with my mess. And I honestly could never convey any of it in words to another person. People would either judge me, be crushed, be disappointed, they just wouldn't be able to grasp it from all angles. Maybe I got lucky that way. Maybe I got lucky it just happened to me. But what happened certainly wasn't lucky. I have to keep looking forward. The past is done. You either repeat it, or you grow from it. Recognize what broke down. Recognize where the cracks started, so you can prevent it from happening again. But therein lies how it happened. I knew it was happening. I saw the cracks. I saw my mind starting to break. I just didn't have anyone to reach out to. No one was there. Which is why it's so hard to look back. And sift through all the mess. No one was there. And no one could ever understand.